The beauty of grief is that it is born from love
When we go to the source of grief we find love
From there we can transmute grief to love and be in that resonance
Like an Alchemist
Tom Cronin
The places we go within ourselves, when we are stripped bare of all perceived stability, are a phenomenal portal of growth. It requires an extremely uncomfortable journey into the most terrifying fears & feelings to fully experience them, observe and then remember what the opposite feels like.
Therein lies the magic!
There is a place within us, a place where we are no one in no time, no where.
A place beyond our mind & body
This is the place of our soul
We can dream here, vision, weave and create
This place is connected to the Universal Field
All is abundant, all is accessible
We just need to feel it, believe it and walk with it
It is said that on the other side of great loss are great gifts, although when we are in the depths of despair and loss, this concept feels a little insensitive and difficult to fathom.
While we are traversing these shadow times in life, all we want is for someone or something to help us out of the heaviness of it all.
As much as we can seek out support and advice, it really is a solo journey through the portal to fully garnish the unique & personal gifts, expansions and wisdoms and to come through the other side with something other than being a shadow of the former self.
These heavy times in life are truly there for a reason. Both light & heavy exist in life, duality is part of our human experience, we just need the tools to navigate them for the best possible outcome.
Throughout my earlier years, I experienced the usual painful things that most people do, heartache and loss from a divorce, deaths of friends and various painful breakups. Being in my 20's & 30's, I think in those days, I probably spiritually bypassed and self medicated with running and gym workouts! All this did was lead to burnout and a huge growth on my right adrenal gland. I ran so much, I perminently damaged my left ankle and eventually found myself having to sit in the pain & sadness which was unbearable for someone who diverted by "Doing". Eventually, I graduated into yoga & meditation as an alternative and found the tools & practices to support how I processed these heavy times.
With yoga I was able to move the stuck emotions through my body and often found myself in tears in certain postures, at the time it was confusing but eventually understood how the trauma was being released! My understanding of how the body holds memory expanded as did my personal & spiritual growth. The more we can shift these physical blocks, its easier to shift the emotional and mental limitiations that accompany them.
Implementing alternative practices to work with when life serves those curve balls is the way to move the energy through the body, it works!
Then 3 years ago, I experienced the ultimate devastating loss, the sudden death of my husband. The gift on the other side concept became insulting & totally inaccessible to me for a very long time. How could anything positive come of a life cut short and a life destroyed?! Everything we had created fell apart, terribly & spectacularly...
Regardless I still kept up the yoga and meditation no matter how gutted I was feeling.
The frequency of grief was so low. Where I could previously turn anything around and create a positive, there were only negatives. It was a debilitating & powerless space to be in and the simplest of tasks were exhausting. There was a period that I resented my grief, it stole my ability to shift, dream & create as I had always done in the past. I wondered who I was without that ability and if it would ever return. All I could feel was the void.
I felt like I had been set back to default and the methods I had previously worked with simply were not enough.
Breath work & plant medicine entered the tool box & with the right support, I felt safe enough to explore these heavy places within myself and within those portals, I found my way forward. The pieces were all still there so I put them back together in a new way.
There is no going around pain on the journey back to wholeness, one must go through it and feel it all.
This place of pain is actually a portal - in all its horrific void, it gives us the perspective required to allow our spirit to guide. It is the space of death & rebirth
Being in the shadow of life's down time is simply a reminder of what we once had that is no longer there but the power is in knowing what it felt like to have it - all of a sudden we don't sweat the small stuff anymore (which is yet another gift & so freeing) and in the pain, we have access to the alternative and a multitude of new possibilites. If we can focus while we are in these heavy emotions, it is the perfect time to vision and feel the alternative, to flip the script!
Our thoughts & feelings create our reality and we all have that ability, but it can only be possible if we raise our vibrational frequency enough to be able to shift.
I speak about vibrational practices and tools all the time and that is because they have literally saved my life.
Yoga, breathwork, meditation, energetic hygiene, hot & cold therapy, fasting, cleansing, ceremony and nature. The more we incorporate them into our lives the easier it is to raise our frequency and transverse the portal to a New upgraded version.
As I continue to practice raising my vibration, my beloved continually corresponds with me from the higher realms, in dreams and in my daily life. The gifts are many as my feel of being separate from him dissolves. My awareness of spirit and the higher realms have become more heightened than ever before and a deeper insight of our human energetic power has started to filter through.
The Soul is a spark of God and has immeasurable power. It literally is pure love!
A deep insight of why there is loss and pain in human life is now more understandable to me, it's how we expand to become a greater becon of light making it easier to surrender to the shadow times.
Each time we surrender & accept the heavy, we can find a greater light within us, we need to continually expand that light as it's the arena in which we create. Pushing back on it only prolongs the pain & stagnation.
The word Manifesting has come into our consciousness over the past few decades
It implies creating something out of nothing and to me, feels a tad cliché reminiscent of the new age lingo created to sell magic as a commodity instead of honouring this sacred part of our human ability in the sanctity in which it was intended.
Personally, I prefer to refer to this human capability as Visioning.
Our indigenous call it Dreaming.
It is an ancient technology that lies dormant within us often triggered by a shocking event or rite of passage.
As I journey deeper into this phenomena, the Essene lineage presented itself to me
In true form, "when the student is ready, the teacher appears"
The Essenes were masters of energy & frequency. They worked with their inherent technology to adjust their frequency. They could, astral travel, soul journey and commune with their spirit family, they could also heal themselves and others with light work. They recorded their methods and practices, scribing their knowledge on the dead sea scrolls and manuscripts which are now in possession of the Vatican who secrete these mysteries away from everyday humans, of course they don't want us knowing these methods!
It is said the Essenes evolved from the Atlantian era, they were the wisdom keepers from our ancestors. The manuscripts give us a great insight into pre Christian Judaism and shares with us a deeper story of what Jesus, Mary and many of the disciples of the bible were actually practicing and teaching, as with most depictions of "History or His story" it is a very different version to what we have been programmed with. Deep diving into these ancient wisdoms shows just how much has been omitted from the bible and how history has omitted the very information that was intended for humanity to connect with their God given gifts, to live a life of connection and creation.
Through these teachings we find the method, the formula that indeed connects us to our creative forces - Our God spark - The Higher we can resonate, the more accessible these abilities are. The process of raising anatomical frequency begins with Purification.
Real history and spiritual education is always available to us, it is an energetic phenomena not found in schools. As our consciousness expands to understand what is being presented to us, the information miraculously appears. This is how my journey of learning has always been. There is a divine force that guides us to the next level of our understanding as our frequency rises. We just need to seek and we will find.
This process lends itself to trust in the flow of life and to know that all is in divine order.
The hardest part of this process is keeping your energy high enough to not be consumed by the chaos and pain of daily life. Your practices and tools are the key to keeping your equilibrium & your frequency high, regardless of what is presenting in life.
Acknowledge that you are indeed a Soul having an earthly experience.
Do not allow yourself to be confused by organised religion but instead feel the purity of creative force/spirit running through you and every living being on this earth.
Allow yourself to feel the majesty that surrounds you.
There will always be guidance if you ask for it.
Keeping your conduit clear, is key.
I also find solace in a deep acceptance and acknowledgment of Divine Order
Life will not always go the way you try to create it, that is no fault of yours or anyone else. Just maybe, the curve balls are presenting another way forward.
Being fluid with lifes' impacts is always confronting, its an oportunity to create a new way so embracing and accepting....whilst humbling... is the way.
Throughout life the Soul presents these times to expand into greater love and appreciation for life itself.
The journey will always give you what you need to work with, these experiences are our schooling, not something that happens to us but for us.
I write these blogs to possibly offer perspective for those who are in the thick of pain and change. My insight as to what has transpired from my own devestating loss was not found in grief books or councilling, it was always from experiencing the fullness of the pain, fear and challenges. I also drew inspiration from those who had also experienced these shadowy parts of life, those who shared them with an open heart and quiet introspection.
The shadow of life is when we forget why our soul incarnated into this lifetime.
Forgetting only exemplifys the feeling of separation & pain and perpetuates the illusion that we are alone. Losing our connection to Source, our divine nature and the higher realms is only a frequency away! Raise it and the gifts flow abundantly!
Where is your frequency sitting? This chart by David Hawkins is a good guide!
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